In Memoriam: The Reverend Robert Shields

Here's some disappointing news: The Rev. Robert Shields of Dayton, Washington has died at the age of 89. For 25 years he had chronicled his life in five-minute segments of banalities, leaving 37 million words on paper filling 91 boxes. His self-described "uninhibited," "spontaneous" work was astonishing in its mundaneness. For example:

Aug 13, 1995, 8:40 a.m. "I filled the humidifying basin mounted over the Futura baseboard heater." 8:45 a.m.: I shaved twice with the Gillette Sensor blade (and) shaved my neck behind both ears, and crossways of my cheeks, too."

July 25, 1993, 7 a.m.: "I cleaned out the tub and scraped my feet with my fingernails to remove layers of dead skin." 7:05 a.m.: "Passed a large, firm stool and a pint of urine. Used 5 sheets of paper."


I'll give it a try.
2:05 p.m.: I ate a new Quizno's menu item: a pita/sandwich hybrid called a Sammie; the flavor was Alpine Chicken.

2:10 p.m.: I continued composing this email while finishing my single-serving bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips. How boring. I'm already tired of this but I will press on. Okay, now I'm sitting at my desk seriously questioning someone's choice to name a pita/sandwich Alpine Chicken. Really? Alpine Chicken? Is that where they are free-ranging the Quizno's chickens now, the Alps? Really? A bunch of chickens and mountain goats up there, is that what's going on? If so, is there an Alpine Sheep Gyro coming soon to the menu? Alpine Chicken, huh?

That didn't go too well. I guess you're probably supposed to be less editorial about things. Harvest Cheddar?