The Tooth: As Seen on TV

In a surprise move, even to me, I abandoned my longstanding policy of not being that guy who says a number of fairly coherent things to a news report only to have the first (and least thoughtful) part of the interview soon broadcast to the world. If I seem a little shell-shocked it's primarily because I just got assaulted by the news reporter begging me to hurry and say something so he could meet his deadline. I think you can still see me reluctantly agreeing as my clip starts. If I seem overly weirded out, it's mainly because I get asked this first question and then I turn to answer the reporter and the world's most prodigious set of ears was attached to the head that was interviewing me. He could name a blog after them. If you pay attention to the interview shown before mine, you'll catch a glimpse of the guy. Nice guy--I'm not trying to make fun of him (I'm just trying to make an excuse for myself--if that's any better).

Here's something you should know: In my head my voice sounds nothing like it does when I hear it recorded. Inside my head my voice is low and mellow, smooth and sonorous--like a combination of Carl Kassell, James Earl Jones and Barry White. Instead I sound like the aforementioned Buddy Lembeck but with a Panguitchy ack-sayent. When I hear what it must sound like to the rest of you it's embarrassingly mumbly and squeeky---and I have a hickish accent that insults even my semi-rural upbringing. Yes, that final word in my interview is spelled H-I-M and I pronounce it with at least two syllables and a drawl.

For whatever reason, they decided to show a different clip for the later newscast which featured a slightly more articulate statement, but then for some reason I will never ever understand, they inserted a half second clip of me awkwardly jumping over a small hedge to get out of the way of the camera as they begin to film their next victim. But when they show the clip, the other person isn't even on the screen so it's just me doing this spastic little jump. It's just weird. I don't have a very good record of updating the blog, but if there's interest, I'll try to track down the clip on the DVR and put it up here for your mocking enjoyment. It took me a lot of work just to figure out how to get this on the web, so I won't bother unless a sturdy petition materializes in my email or in the comments section or something.